Freak
by SherlockAndJohnForever
Summary: Sherlock is viewed as inhuman. No emotion, and no love. But is that really true? -rated T for self harm and eating disorders- slight Johnlock MAYBE Vulnerable!Sherlock Helpful!John
1. No hospitals Please?

**I do not own Sherlock, because if I did we would be married:P! Enjoy pwease! I really like criticism because I know i am not a great writer at all and I really want to improve. Tell me anything, and Ill try to make it better and improve. Ideas are welcomed, and requests will be granted. I will try to do a chapter every day/ two days. THANK YOU!**

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John was walking home from the market, buying milk obviously, and went upstairs to find Sherlock not in the kitchen, living room, bedroom, or, unsurprisingly, in the closet. Only one room left, the bathroom. Sherlock may seen to have superhuman capabilities, but going to the bathroom is a necessity to him as much as to everyone else.

"Hey sherlock, I'm back. Got a whole lot of milk, so maybe we won't run out so bloody soon."  
no response. How odd.  
"Sherlock? Are you alright?"

_Sherlock froze. Oh my God- oh my God! he_ _panicked. He put down his exacto-knife but with his hands shaky from blood loss it clattered to the floor with a loud *clank*. he picked it up, but heard no more noise. It must have been all his imagination._

John walked over to the bathroom, slightly worried. He should give him privacy. What was the worse he could be doing? Cutting off his fingers for an experiment..? Yah.. probably should go in there.

He took a deep breath and walked in, and could not contain a large gasp at what he saw;  
A surprised Sherlock with no shirt on, and a small blade in his hands... His bare, hairless, all to thin stomach- Covered with scars, all over his thighs, and lower ribs. On his side, the word "Freak" carved in scarlet.

"J-John! I-its not what you think! I swear!"  
"Sherlock.."  
"John..I-"

John very awkwardly knelt next to sherlock inspecting his cuts. They were incredibly deep, and sherlock was growing paler by the second. He was bleeding out.

"John no stop.."  
"Your going to freaking kill yourself. you haven't even told me.." he whispered inaudibly.  
"John. Stop."  
John mumbles to himself. Something about a hospital.  
"John!"  
Sherlock pulled away.  
"Sherlock how can you do this! I am calling a hospital!  
"John do not call a hospital... Please!"  
John was shocked.. Sherlock- the.. the machine- was begging, no, _pleading _to not be taken to a hospital.  
John tended and bandaged his cuts, and gave him his shirt.  
"Sherlock."  
Sherlock wouldnt look at him.  
"Sherlock! bloody look at me!  
He did.  
"Why? Bloody tell me or ill call the hospital. WHY DID YOU HURT YOURSELF?"

Just then, Lestrade called Sherlock.  
"Yes?"  
"Sherlock? Triple homicide." He told him the address.  
"Theres a case, john. we have to go."  
"No. tell me you arse!"  
"no."  
"Then let me look at them. All of them"  
"John why would you want to-"  
"Hello? Hospital? yes I think I need-"  
"FINE! STOP! PLEASE JOHN PLEASE ILL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING BUT THAT! please..."  
He kept mumbling 'please... stop..." barely sobbing as john took off the younger's shirt. "Did you... does that say... Sally's words hurt you?"  
"Of course not, John. Sally couldn't if she tried. Time to go."

He snatched his shirt and jacket and they left, as if it never happened. Sherlock had pulled himself together, and they arrived at the appointed address. And none other that Sally Donovan stepped out of the car with Lestrade, to put Sherlock's response to the test.


	2. Abused and Used

"Sherlock. Glad you could make it. We actually have the case under control, now, but we have a little girl here with us.. Eight years old. The victim's sisters daughter was here with them... she's not giving us anything... She's really scared though it's not her fault."

"well obviously not. Let me talk to her. I wont 'screw up', as you always say."

"uh, no, lestrade. the freak will not talk to a **traumatized **little girl!"

"you don't make the calls. Sherlock... You have ten minutes. Don't. Bloody. Mess. Things. Up!"

"Great idea cap'n, I see why your chief."

donovan stomped off downstairs.

sherlock walked in and saw the little girl.

"did your parents.. Hurt you? You can tell me, I can keep a secret." He said, and winked.

"how did you know?

"I..I um.. I recognized the bruises."

'how odd' thought john.

"did your mummy and daddy hurt you too..?"

"no.. my mummy and daddy didn't raise me.. my grandparents did. And yes.. They um.. They beat me badly."

'oh my God! Sherlock.. No...' Thought john.

"more than me? How?"

"it doesn't matter. What matters is that you help us so we can help you."

"alright... my parents said I was a mistake.. an accident... A mess up..." Tears welled up in her big brown eyes.

"don't worry", Sherlock soothed," its okay now. You are important and perfect and your parents were wrong."

"did your parents...?"

"yes, they ridiculed me. They called me a monster, some other names I probably shouldn't say..." Sherlock trailed off. "They never called me sherlock.. I was freak." He choked.

"the little girl wrapped her hands around his thin waist and he carried her, awkwardly petting the back of her head, to An obviously surprised lestrade.

"John, Im going to the flat. I will see you whenever you are home..."

and he walked off.


	3. Is it true?

**Sherlock is home and john just arrived. Sherlock has clearly been crying but doesn't want john to know.**

* * *

Sherlock you were joking.. Right? I mean that never happened to you... I've never seen any scars..

it was not true.

what was that?

you are right; its not true I was saying that to coax something out of her.

wait have you been crying?! You are lying to me! I cannot believe you lied to- wait... So it's true?! Oh God SHERLOCK! why don't you have scars? I meAn if it was as bad as you said it was... I want to see.

john what is it with you and scars? There are other ways to get me to take my shirt off.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I. AM. NOT. GAY! And I need to see how bad it was!

JOHN I SAID NO I REFUSE THATS IT! I WILL NOT SHOW YOU MY CUTS NOR MY ABUSE YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME AND IKNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU INCLUDING THE FACT THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW PAIN LIKE I DO! YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT THE WAR YOU WERE IN! THE BLOODY WAR! YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW I AM DYING INSIDE AND FOR A REASON!

ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS YOUR WORK YOU BLOODT HYPOCRITICAL BASTARD! YOU HAVE NO FEELINGS NO EMOTIONS! YOU ARE A FREAK! NO WONDER EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY YOUR GRANDPARENTS, HATE YOU!

but as soon as he said that he regretted it. Sherlock's heart just.. Shattered. The look of hurt was unbearable.

sherlock... I... I didn't mean that..

it's alright... Everyone says it eventually...

sherlock I didn't mean it though...

John.. Stop. I know what I am...

Sher.. Your not a freak...

Sherlock slowly pulled off his shirt. Now that John has a clear look at him, he hates himself. There were traces of burn scars; it appears that at one point they warped a wire of some kid around him and shocked him immensely. There were other burn scars, knife scars, bullet scars, and obviously his self inflicted scars, and then one giant one across his back, appearing very old and very, very deep.

sher... What.. What is that one from?

and that is when sherlock.. The incredibly thick skulled, nearly superhuman sociopathic emotionless consulting detective, burst into tears and locked himself in his room.


	4. Sher, Let me in

"Sher...? Can you let me in"

"no.. Please.. I-I don't want to talk about Nything... Then the memories come rushing back and I thought they were deleted but they weren't and I can't john please I can't.."

"Sher I won't make tell me anything just yet... I promise. Just let me in."

"I'm a freak... We all know it. You told me and so did everyone else and I know I Am so stop.."

"Sherlock bloody holmes you are not a freak! Forget what I said. I was angry. Please, let me in, you can trust me..."

"I cant trust anybody, john. Not mummy, daddy, grandmummy granddaddy, mycroft, NO ONE. please.. please leave me alone."

"No. i am staying until you open up your door."

A long silence.

John heard a lock jiggle, and walked in to find sherlock crying hysterically. _What had happened to him in his past? Where was Mycroft __all this time?!_

John picked up the tall man, with surprising ease, and cradled him until he fell asleep. _Oh sherlock.. how do i help you? your my best friend. youve always been there. I must help you but your refusal to accept my help will kill you, inside and out._

* * *

Sherlock had been asleep for about forty minutes, and John had placed him on his bed, where sherlock curled up in a ball, with his knees tucked underneath his chin, and slept like a child.

Thats when the flash backs started.

"No... please..."

"Sherlock Im here. are you okay?"

"Please.. no not again please ill shut up.."

"Sherlock its just a nightmare wake up"

Sherlock starts to struggle, as if being attacked by some invisible force.

"No.. NO PLEASE NO STOP NO ILL DO ANYTHING IM A FREAK IM STUPID WORTHLESS A MURDERER PATHETIC AN ARSE A BOTHER PLEASE PLEASE NO STOP IT STOP!"

Sherlock was crying by now. John cant believe that he actually is crying, not that he hasn't seen it i the last few days, but... still.. hell never get used to it."

"Just dont hurt her... please kill me.. just... not her..."

"No... please... wake up... please dont die please i love you your the only person ill ever care for please please... Irene... no.."

Sherlock awoke suddenly, as if a jolt of electricity had just shot through him.

"Sherlock...?"

"y-yes..?"

"who is... Irene?"


	5. Old men and Irene Adler

"No one, John. She was... no one."

"Please tell me?"

"No."

"Sherlock... what... if you don't mind telling me... what were they doing to you..?

"erm..."

John looked up at him with a 'you owe me an answer look' and Sherlock gave up.

"they have a wire that they'd tie me in... they'd shock me until i passed out.. then they would beat me and burn me until i was barely alive. they'd break me, john. they... they loved mycroft.. He never helped. He'd say he would, and then go upstairs and play the piano to muffle the sound of my shrieks and screams.. I can never sleep. It scares me so bad.. I've had insomnia since i was 5."

"Sherlock... my God.. i cant imagine.."

"no. you cant. stop pitying me , john. Stop it. i don't deserve it, or want it. why so depressing? this mood youre in. stop it."

just then John got a text.

"SHERLOCK IM GOING TO FLIPPING BLOODY PUNCH YOUIF YOU DONT STOP SETTING ME UP WITH DATES WITH OLD FLIPPING MEN. FIRST OF ALL, I. AM. NOT. GAY. SECOND OF ALL, THEY ARE LIKE WHAT, FIFTY YEARS OLDER THAN ME?"

"Yes john but its funny when you come home from a date with Sarah and an old man was with you the whole time. NO CASES! What else is there to entertain me?"

"ARSE!"

"Idiot."

it took them about thirty seconds of staring each other down for them to start cracking up, holding their sides.

"Dinner, sherlock."

"No thank you."

"how long has it been. since your last meal, I mean."

"About two days."

"Sherlock."

"OH fine John maybe five or six days but what does it matter? the body is only transport."

"Eat. Food. Now. or ill call Mycroft."

"Yes. oh so threatening."

"He will send you to a hospital."

"..."

Finally, Sherlock ate.

"i hate you, john."

"I know you do" he said, laughing at Sherlocks face.

After dinner, Sherlock went into the bathroom, and cut, deeply, I might add. Then he threw up, utterly disgusted by how much he had eaten.


	6. New Chapter Ideas! Always Valid!

**I just finished chapter 6, and, awesomely enough, I deleted it by accident. I'm not sure u would have liked it, so I thought up some ideas, the first being the one I was going to use.**

**1 John is kidnapped and sherlock has to save him**

**2 John does some research on Sherlock and finds put a bit more on his past**

**3 Sherlock has a horrible encounter and is traumatized. It is up to John to help him**

**4 Sherlock meets Harry (Johns sister, as said in the show), and finds out they used to date**

**5 John finds out about Sherlock's eating disorder**

**6 Sherlock and John are trapped And Sherlock has a breakdown due to childhood flashbacks (this idea is from another fan fiction, would not be the same, cred would be given tho)**

**7 Sherlock and Mycroft fight about they're childhood, but they're bickering will not stop**

**8 Sherlock and Molly go out on a date**

**9 Meet Sherlock's parents**

**10 Sherlock tells John more about his past**

**11 Sherlock and John fight (and of course make up at the end(-: )**

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Pls pls pls help meeeeeeeeee comment the number or numbers ud like! Pls don't say all or more than two tho and pls raise awareness. Suggestions/requests will be considered/ granted! Thanks!


	7. Only got 1

**Sherlock and John got into a fight with people at a case. They got all muddy. Sherlock's been acting strange, and it's been about a week since the mention of Irene Adler.**

* * *

Sher?

yah..?

can I come in?

Im getting dressed.

are you wearing pants?

Uhm Yah. Why?

then I'm coming in

well let me get my shirt on fir-

_-John burst in.-_

Sherlock!

Yes?

why... How.. You're so.. Skinny!

huh?

you need to eat! I just made you eat yesterday!

john I'm not that skinny.

look at yourself! Do you seriously think that this is healthy?

john just piss off.

WHY?

BECAUSE IM GETTING DRESSED! I'm not going to STRIP in front of you, so BYE!

wait... Thin... Embarrassed.. Defensive.. Doesn't eat- That's it! He mumbled

...what?

Sherlock why didn't you flipping bloody tell me?!

about..?

are you... anorexic..?

Sherlock froze.

Oh God.. That was blunt I'm sorry.. None Of my business... Sherlock? Are you ok?

get out.

huh?

leave.

why? Er.. I mean... Are we done talking about this..?

you don't get it. Bye.

im a doc-

yes yes i know now get out.

are you embarrassed..?

no.

...scared? The bullies can't get to you anymore, sher. It's okay now..

that really struck a nerve.

GET THE HELL OUT NOW! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! he shrieked

stop it... Calm down..

WHY ARE YOU HERE!? I'm a freak... I don't have friends!

your right... You only have one He said, And smiled.

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**just a short chapter because I have no time right now. All of them are short tho, so sorry about that but that's kinda just how I write so yahhhh... Um anyways I may expand on this topic a little more in the next chapter but there's really only so much you write about it :P**

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_**I'm not that popular so srry but a special shout out to Persassius Jackson! Lol thanks for ur help!**_


	8. An Interesting Day

**idea cred: randomizer5278 ( a friend ). Not sure if they got this from someone on this site tho so if they did well I don't care I'm still doing it lol**

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John, Mycroft isn't a friend, but a brother.

I'm talking about me you idiot.

what?

_Me. _Im your friend.

colleague, John, colleague.

no Sherlock. I'm your friend. Or at least, your mine.

john don't be stupid, i don't have friends. The only friend I have is my skull, remember?

sherlock, just shut up. Shut. Up. Don't believe their crap. They don't even know you.

dont they? *sherlock said, and dropped onto the couch*

what? What is that supposed to mean? Sherlock?

*no response*

Sherlock!?

i thought you said shut up.

*sighs* what did you mean?

by what?

oh stop it, you know what I mean.

do I?

just then,, they heard a clatter from the kitchen, and they both blacked out!

* * *

**Btw, just so you know, they blacked out by darts**

* * *

when John woke up, head spinning, heart racing, he woke up Sherlock, and, to his surprise, Sally Donovan. They were trapped inside of some white, small, room just a square with nothing in it, and no way out.

Sherlock started cursing, and pounding on the roof, but nothing happened.

calm down, Sherlock!

why? We are trapped here. No one is even looking for us, and I am out of nicotine patches! And I have a client! And most of all, I. Am. BORED!

sally, why are you here?

they were trying to get Lestrade, but they grabbed me instead. probably by accident.

your right. They must have gotten your perms confused. they're bad.

why are you here freak?

because I enjoy the view of white bloody walls!

He gets sarcastic when he's bored.

are we trapped here?

no.

it seems so.

John and Sherlock said those at the same time, the latter was john.

we are not trapped, John!

Sherlock, of course we are, unless you have a way out.

freak probably put us here!

i was with him the whole time!

then he hired somebody!

while they were bickering, Sherlock was overcome by flashbacks, and fear. He was claustrophobic.

sherlock..? You OK?

no response.

Freak!

he was curled into a ball, head behind his knees, hands digging into his hair.

he was mumbling something inaudibly.

Sherlock. Sherlock!

still nothing

freak! Help us get out of here!

uhm... sher..? Wake up...!

more whispering.

NO! PLEASE STOP! NOT AGAIN! He screamed!

not again not again not again... He was whispering, over and over and over

Sherlock wake up!

Freak cut the crud.

PLEASE! He said With such urgency, such... Fear.. Blood curtailing, was what it was.

Freak. Just wake the heck up!

AHH! Owwwwwwww * he groaned *

Sherlock?!

Freak. Claustrophobia Doesn't hurt. Very unconvincing. Sorry, though.

It's not an act! He's really hurting! His subconscious is in a flashback!

you actually believe him?

you don't understand.

more wails from Sherlock, growing more desperate.

he was now sobbing, and shaking uncontrollably.

she slapped him.

FREAK! Get up!

SALLY! Don't you dare touch him again! He suffered massive child abuse, and he's remembering! If you don't shut the _hell _up, ill-

IM SORRY DADDY! IM SO SO SO SORRY BUT PLEASE, PLEASE NOT THIS, A-ANYTHING BUT T-THIS! IM SORRY IM SUCH A-A-

John... What..? I didn't.. ThAts not..

A FREAK!

Oh my God... Oh my... Oh my God what have I done... I call him a freak, and his father... His father used to... To... Oh God oh my God no! Forgive me john!

SALLY YOU MADE HIM CUT HIMSELF! YOU DONT DESERVE PITY! MUCH LESS FORGIVENESS!

NO FATHER NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MAKE IT STOP MYC! PLEASE, PLEASE MYCROFT! P-please... Please m-myc...

sherlock went limp.

John was kneeling beside him, Sally had her hands covering her mouth, weeping, and he heard a knock, and a muffled *Sally?*

In here! Sherlock not well, needs medical help, running out of air soon, please come in here and get us _quick_!

john? What are you doing in there?

not important!

Alright, back away from the door!

Wait! not yet!

but it was to late. The door crashed on top of Sally, knocking her unconscious.

John? Sally? Sherlock?

Lestrade! I told you to wait! You hit Sally!

oh damn it! Now I have no chance of survival past my fifties! Med group, help her. The walls are pretty thin, thin enough to not be soundproof, but not thin enough to prevent a concussion.

lestrade. Sherlock needs medical attention now!

Why?

well... It looks like I'm not the only one with Post traumatic stress disorder. I don't want to go into details.

but-

_Bloody hell! _Just _help_ him!

Med team! We need some help here! _NOW!_

Sherlock hadn't moved yet. John took his pulse, which was now rapidly slowing down.

Sherlock.. Please... Please please please wake up!

nothing.

* * *

*Meeting with Greg the next day*

So Sally has lost all recollection of the past two to three days, and Sherlock...

what? Whats happened to him?

John. Sherlock may be in a coma. It's temporary but...

But. What.!?

John, mycroft wants to take custody of him.

What? He's not a _child. _He can't do that!

john...

NO! TELL HIM I SAID NO! SHERLOCK WANTS TO STAY AT BAKER STREET AND TO HELL WITH WHAT MYCROFT WANTS!

but John, he's his _brother. _C'mon.

So? I'm his _best friend_. the answer is no.

but-

no.

* * *

**With mycroft**

Mycroft. No. He is staying with me At the flat.

but you don't even know him!

i know enough. And yes, actually, I do.

trust me, sherlock hasn't told you half of it. Did he tell you his-_our- _father accused him of murdering our Mum? he was arrested. Not jailed, mind you, but he could have been. He was 18.

No. I didn't know that. But he will tell me important Things. Things that are necessary for me to know..

are you sure? because I know he wouldn't. And doesn't.

...

i will take custody of him. It's for the best.

what if... What if I get to know him...?

you can't.

i can.

no body can get through to sherlock holmes. I already know him. Mostly, anyways.

i will get through to him. I promise. I can help him. Just... Please. Promise me that you will never remove him from Baker Street. No matter what happens. I don't care if he bloody attempts to murder me. Don't. It's where he's happy. And where I'm happy.

fine. But if you break my brother, you will never see the light of day again.

alright.

...thank you

for what?! You were just threatening me... Now you're thanking me? I'm confused.

thank you for taking care Of my brother. I hope he doesnt drive you insane.

thank you for giving me... Uh, custody. Although your not because you cannot take him away legally anyways.

*johns phone rings*

John?

Lestrade?

Come to the hospital.

sherlocks awake. He wants to go back home and I need you to take him before he drives me insane!


	9. Narcotics

Sherlock?

john.

hi! How are you feeling?

fine.

Sherlock... What happened back there? Flashback? I thought you didn't have any...

john, you know I do. you _wish _I didn't.

sherlock I want you to talk to me, and tell me what **exactly **did your father do to you. That is the only way I can think to help you.

I don't need help, John. I tried to hide my... Past. I don't need nor want your help.

you do.

i. Don't.

you do and if you don't help me I'll ask Mycroft.

No.

then. Tell. Me.

no.

SHERLOCK YOU IDIOT TELL ME!

no, John.

when we get home.

oh, shut u-

you shut up, you infuriating BASTARD!

* * *

We're home. Now tell me.

no.

sherlock, I am doctor, and I am prepared to take incredibly high measures to make you tell me.

you're just curious. Sadistic.

no, I'm just **_really_** worried, sherlock. And I know if I don't know the lengths of you're abuse, it will kill me that I didn't try EVERYTHING I could to save you.

john I'm not dying!

YES YOU ARE SHERLOCK! YOU BLOODY ARE!

shut up!

one. More. Chance. Before. I. Drug. You.

you wouldn't-

i would.

i deserve privacy-

3

john.

2

JOHN!

1!

stop!

im getting it. I'm getting the Narcotics.

please. Don't!

*John jabbed the syringe in Sherlock's bony shoulder, in exasperation. Was he really going to do this?*

* * *

**My apologies for the lateness and shortness of this chapter, sorry, biggggggg **

**tests in school, plus I'm really lazy! Jk about that last one (not really, Im a **

**sloth), and more will be up ASAP! Ps, check out my other story!**

**READ AND REVIEW! 3-5 REVIEWSL AND ILL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER! PLEASE **

**POST ****IDEAS FOR THE (sick) THINGS SHERLOCKS DAD DID TO HIM, BECAUSE **

**THE MORE ****GRUESOME AND CRUEL (wow I sound gross and sadistic, I just mean it makes more **

**drama omg :P) THE MORE SAD/DRAMATIC/SWEET THE STORY WILL BE! POSSIBLE **

**JOHNLOCK IN IT, DEPENDING ON WHAT YOU THINK! Again, I'm not sadistic, I'm **

**just ****really bad at this, and want to get my point across :P**

**_SHOULD I INCLUDE...?_**

**_• JOHNLOCK, OR NO?_**

**_• ANY IDEAS FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER?_**

**_REVIEW AND TELL ME!_**


	10. How Many Times

Sherlock groggily regained conciousness, in a haze of confusion in his drug- addled mind.

sherlock? Ok. Now tell me when it started.

what started when? He slurred

when you were first abused by your father

*sherlock faintly remembered that he didn't want to tell him! but he couldnt remember why

no

sherlock!

*the drugged Sherlock was frightened, so he told him

he came to our house... He was mad and hehitme *Sherlock was having trouble talking and thinking through his daze

and..?

he started hurting me and IWasSeven and then he started doing more

like what sherlock...? *John asked, not sure he really wanted to know.

he sometimes got a wire and tied it around my waist andElectrifiedMe.. He would burnMe and stabMe and starve me and screamAtMe... He shot me twice, butIDon. Really rememberrrrrr because I lost a lot ofBloodddd...

oh my God...

everyone hates me... ImUgly and I eatToMuch and I'm stupidddddd... I am worthless and a freakkkkkkk...*sherlock started to fall asleep. As the narcotics wore off, and his speach was slurred and prolonged.

* * *

He finally woke up and was on his bed. He didn't remember anything except for the syringe, a searing, faint pain in his shoulder, and then... Nothing.

he got up, and talked to John, who was sitting at a computer with a webpage with the search title "past child abuse in adults", with his head in his hands, shoulders shaking, crying.

john..?

s-sherlock! I didn't know you were there! *he quickly closed his computer in hopes that Sherlock hadn't seen.

John.. You drugged me...

I had to sherlock... There's a point where your stubborness is going to far and we reached that. So either you talk and I listen or I drug you and then you talk and I listen.

h-how much did I say?

um... Not much.. But enough..

Why would you do that to me?!

i had to!

HOW MANY TIMES CAN I BREAK BEFORE I SHATTER JOHN?


End file.
